Amazon’s a bitch

Amazon’s a bitch

It’s presumptuous to say that I know how to run a giga-trillion, global company who outpaced Kuwait’s GDP this year. I do not know how to do that. I also do not know how to launch things into outer space, deliver anything by a drone or how to even hotwire a van. I do know, however, not to bite the hand that feeds me and expect to keep eating.

Amazon is a collective of millions of sellers. We’d like to think of it as one, ginormous factory, but it’s not. Over 60% of its sales are sourced from individuals. They actually fabricate very little. They store and fulfill and market, but they don’t really make stuff.

OPEN and CLOSED

I’m a huge fan of open source anything. But not when it makes one company god-like in their economic power. Which is why I found this recent article in the Financial Times so disturbing. I don’t know what to hate more: Amazon’s arrogance or opportunistic lawyers.

According to the Financial Times, sellers on Amazon’s marketplace account for more than 60% of sales. It received $96bn in commissions and fees paid by sellers in nine months.

During the first half of 2023 in its EU store, Amazon took 274mn “actions” in response to potential policy violations and other suspected problems, which included the removal of content and 4.2mn account suspensions. Amazon revealed the numbers as part of its first European transparency report newly required by EU law.

Financial Times

JUST BAD B-SCHOOL

I don’t think that selling knock-off Chanel bags is a good business model even if profits are insanely high. It’s illegal and you will be caught (perhaps) and forced to pay back that profit (kinda). A lawsuit is defined as “compelling action otherwise incomplete.”

It’s a no-brainer from a corporation’s point of view: we give you the playing field, but we’ll keep changing the rules.

The acceptance of the words “gig economy” make me recoil. It really is just usery. The proposition works like this:

  • You’re temporary and will be replaced
  • You have no benefits
  • You are not an employee
  • You will depend on us/our platform/our payment descisions.

It is a weird argument to say that Amazon Sellers are “autonomous” or even “independent” since their entire business depends upon Amazon’s platform. Perhaps it’s the goal of independent wealth or the now-past “it’s-too-good-to-be-true” internet goldrush. There are heavy consequences. On average, sellers on Amazon realize less than 40% of potential profit, less when taking into account ancillary services such as advertising and “placements.” This means nothing when the platform simply disappears.

Amazon has a reputation for being an asshole arbiter. It simply suspends accounts that are in “violation.” The problem with this is that “violations” are never explained or defined. Ed. note: to be clear, I’ve never been an Amazon seller.

compelled; compelling
Synonyms of compel

transitive verb
1
to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly
Hunger compelled him to eat.
The general was compelled to surrender.

2
to cause to do or occur by overwhelming pressure.
Public opinion compelled her to sign the bill.

the ANTI-HOLIDAY Collection

the ANTI-HOLIDAY Collection

The Holiday Shop is open. Yay.

We hate this season as much as you do, we get it. So, here’s the anti-holiday shop where we’ve created specific products that mock, disregard or otherwise slander Santa’s name.

It’s getting to look a lot like Christmas! And it’s not just sweater weather. It’s Ugly Christmas Sweater weather!

Holiday office parties and family gatherings are looming. You’re looking for unique Christmas gifts. Fun Christmas gifts. You want to impress family, friends, and co-workers.

The Jesus themed ugly Christmas sweater sweatshirt is a new take on a holiday classic. Jesus IS the reason for the season, after all. So this Christmas, go ahead and ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”

Of course he’d ring in the holiday with an ugly Christmas sweater! In the festive tradition of ugly Christmas sweaters, you’ll turn heads in this inspirational and humorous novelty holiday sweatshirt.

Benefits:

  • Secular
  • Non-toxic (mostly)
  • Recommended for sensitive skin
  • No hidden costs
  • Endorsed by a few D-List celebrities (kinda)
  • You do not have to leave your house to get it
  • Pre-screen for fundamentalists/zealots

TenFingersShirtCo.com is a Santa Monica-based independent designer who is exploring ways to expand their business using print-on-demand and fulfillment strategies.

Follow their Etsy store as they roll-out new, inspired designs for modern lifestyles.

NOTE that the items listed here are designed, produced and shipped by TenFigersShirtCo.com

other heretical ideas:

the thing we do not TALK about. WITH YOU. RIGHT NOW. EVEN. THE ‘MU.

the thing we do not TALK about. WITH YOU. RIGHT NOW. EVEN. THE ‘MU.

O, God.

Everyone I know is very secretive about their addiction to TEMU. None will go on record.

DISCLOSURE: Hi, I’m Chris, and I’m a TEMU addict.

My very smart friend in Manhattan has coined the term: “I’m MU’d.” This woman has a PhD and teaches. High-level literary shit. At Ivy League Colleges.

I feel you friend, I’m constantly sitting on the precipice of diving into MU. We text each other and have a therapy session which always ends up as “so, whatya got in the cart?” It has become a very, very weird 12-step program.

We drew the line at sharing carts cause… we’re friends and honestly, we have both bought the same things so it gets freaky weird, like “OMG! I LUV THE GARDEN WATERING THINGY! IT’S $0.69!” We’re secretly into it. A weird ecommerce thing, concurrently. From LAX to NYC.

TEMU is a wonderland of ecommerce. You literally can order this:

I adore that this is truly an unfettered, uncensored gauge of what people are buying. All curse words are allowed but stop short at porn/hate speech. In essence, how I live my life.

Following is my current jaw-slacking faves (which will change because I spend an inordinate amount of time on this fucking site).