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The Guardian has this most amazing writer: Niloufar Haidari.

She is a freelance writer from London who has written for Vice, Vogue and Crack Magazine. And she is awesome and has become my favorite new writer.

ASIDE: trying to contact you, Niloufar, for a response, but no email function at The Guardian and won’t stalk ya,). I’m at chris@cgk.ink and welcome your email!

(Kourtney) Kardashian, the eldest sister of reality TV’s first family, has spent the last few years crafting a fashion-forward and health-obsessed personal brand: going vegan, cutting out coffee in favor of matcha, removing sugar from the lives of her children (to ridiculous effect in an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians in which she tried to ban candy from a Candy Land-themed children’s birthday party). Her content-meets-commerce lifestyle platform Poosh – “the modern guide to living your best life” – offers healthy and quick lunchtime recipes from Kardashian herself, all-natural hangover cures, skincare recommendations, and a tour of supermodel sister Kendall Jenner’s “High-Vibe Bedroom Sitting Area”.

Source

So, this article goes in-depth and eviscerates the entire “influencer” culture. And fast-fashion. And bullshit. And non-language.

I’ve written a lot about the effects of fast-fashion, apparently the disposable-apparel industry that consistently does so much damage to our ecosystem  ranks only behind oil & gas as the world’s worst polluter.

To be clear, “sustainability,” while a noble goal, really just means it’s a neutral endeavor. It doesn’t pollute more, but it doesn’t undo previous damage to the Earth. So, at  best, any effort at sustainability gets a solid “C-.”

Haidari’s writing gets insanely good.

This isn’t “snark,” this is a total smackdown:

In July, the UK’s Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) announced that Boohoo was under investigation over “greenwashing”, the practice of using inaccuracy or exaggeration in branding something as sustainable or environmentally sound. Under particular scrutiny is their “Ready for the Future” line which vaguely claims that items in this line “are made of more than 20% of more sustainable materials”, an essentially meaningless assertion made with little to no proof.

 

RELATED: https://www.theguardian.com/business/2022/jul/29/asos-boohoo-george-at-asda-investigated-over-eco-friendly-claims-sustainability

 

It seems that most of the heavy lifting sustainability-wise will actually be done by the “social content series” that’s being released alongside the collection, which sees footage of Kardashian talking to a variety of glossy experts about how fast fashion is killing the planet before merrily heading off to co-sign some more of it being made.

What I laugh at – outloud –  is this whole new term of “customer experience” and “our journey” and, inevitably, “the customer’s journey.” Even worse, a high-pitched, over-preened PR agent just elides it to “The Journey.”

Please, you need to see this. It’s so amazing and full of self-righteousness and misguided eco-bullshit that it does not achieve a thing. It must feel good for the talking heads. Especially since they’re not making $0.33 an hour. And their salary is funded by oppressed workers. FUN!

I know. Here, it’s a Valium. Take it with this Martini. It gets worse.

Something tells me that the enlightenment she experienced was linked to a pay cheque and the Kardashian inability to turn down a lucrative opportunity.

 

“What’s challenging is figuring out how people can still live in this way where it’s simple, and easy, and fast, and fun, but it doesn’t have a negative impact on people and the planet,” muses Patrick Duffy, founder of Global Fashion Exchange in the accompanying video of The Journey.

A spoiler alert for everyone: you can’t. The only truly sustainable thing that Boohoo and its fast-fashion brethren can do is immediately shut down operation.

Amen.

ALARM: “the Kardashians” as a brand/human freak show/people are not sustainable. They require enormous energy, publicity and constant attention which is metered. An entire financial ecosystem.

A part of me is amazed that you can take the simple fact that you’re a human and make it a fucking Empire — well, ok, seeing the previous examples now. Fuck.

I guess egocentrism is never good for the planet or other living things. It is beguiling. It would be wonderful if they (all 15+ of them) took some responsibility and did something truly outside of themselves. That’s not filmed. Something that is true.

Hope springs eternal.

Call me KKKKKKKKK. Wait, call them. Thanks Cosmo.